The Thirteen Days of Mourning

The bereaved observe symbolic act of impurity for a period that lasts for thirteen days. During this time they forsake all pleasures and observe behavior that is indicative of grief. The hearth is kept unlit in the home of the bereaved until the cremation ceremonies are completed. This is because the fire has to be lighted only as a ritual at this time for the purpose of offering unto the body of the deceased. Friends provide food to the family members.

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First Day Ceremony - Cremation

Cremation of the body is performed before sunset.

 

Second Day Ceremony

Collecting the Ashes Astisanchayanam: The ashes are collected from the site. In early Vedic times the females performed the collection of the ashes. In the current time, the person who lit the fire does this.

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Immersing the Ashes Astivisarjanam: The ashes are then immersed in a sacred body of water, such as a river or ocean.

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Third to Ninth Day - Praying for the well being of the departed

The jiva during its life was closely associated and identified with a particular body. Before it takes another birth, depending on its karmas it continues its experience in an- other form of pitr and subsequently as- sumes another body. As a transitory state, after death and before it assumes the form of a pitr, it assumes the body called preta sharirah. Just as it takes nine months for a child to be formed, it takes nine days for the preta sharirah to be fully formed. The rituals that are performed for these nine days are for the well being of the jiva who is in the form of an intangible, transient body, the preta (vayavya sharirah).

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Preparing the Pindas (Rice Balls)

The presence of the preta is invoked on an icon, pinda, and offerings are made of wa- ter and black sesame seeds.

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Aurdhvadehika - Samskarah

These rituals are performed for the next nine days during which offering of rice ball, pinda-danam, is made to the departed.

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Tarpanam

This is a ritual in which offerings are made in form of water and black sesame seeds (til). The tarpanam is performed daily up to the tenth day.

 

Tenth Day - Prayers to Yama

There are significant ceremonies performed on the tenth day. On the tenth day, the deceased is invoked in its preta form and offered food. The family prays to Yama the presiding deity of death and dharma to end the preta state and bless it for the onward journey.

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Prabhuta-bali

Like a child at birth is hungry and needs food intake, the preta also experiences hunger and thirst and is offered food. Special food items particularly liked by the departed person are prepared. The food is then immersed in a river or ocean, or it is offered to a crow (kakabali) or a cow (pasubali). Prayers are offered to Yama devata to facilitate the onward journey.

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Needless to say that the food offered is sym- bolic and is not expected to be eaten by the deceased. Does the offering really reach the deceased? The Vedas assure us that they do, of course, not literally in their physical form but in their subtle form as a result of the karmas performed by the family. "Whatever is offered to the ancestors during shraddha ceremony goes to them in whatever form they exist. Just as a calf finds its mother among the scattered herd."

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Ananda- homam and Santi-homam

Homa is performed for the jiva to gain hap- piness and peace. The prayers on this day are also meant for the family to gain peace and tranquility in dealing with their loss. The ceremony includes paring of hair, nails and beard of the folks who performed the rituals. Some shave their head as an expres- sion of their bereavement.

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Eleventh Day

Prayers to Vishnu

The ceremonies of the eleventh day include prayers for the release of the jiva from the transient form of the preta. Prayers to Vishnu ask for the jiva's continued well being.

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Offerings to Ancestors

On this day, offerings are made to the pitrs, sraddha, giving gifts to the needy, danam, and offering to Brahmins, brahmana-bhojanam.

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Charity Vrsotsargah or Rsabhadanam

A bull is given as danam (charity) to a temple. Brahmanas are offered food and given dakshina. Prayers to Sri Vishnu are offered.

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Twelfth Day

Union with the Ancestors - Sapindikaranam

It is the last day of the immediate mourn- ing period. On the twelfth day, the concluding ceremonies to the preta are performed; Sapindikaranam, which means the union of the jiva with its ancestors, pitrs. After this day the family prays to the deceased as their ancestor and asks for his blessings.

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Offering of food

The jiva gives up its transient preta sharirah and assume the form of pitr. This is sym- bolized in the ritual in which four pindas, ball of rice, are made; three for ancestors, pitrs, and one in which the jiva is invoked and offerings are made. Following this the pinda representing the jiva are joined with the three representing the pitrs symboliz- ing their union.

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Feeding the Priests Brahmana- bhojanam

Three Brahmanas are invited. In them one invokes the lord, the departed jiva and pitr and they are given food.

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Thirteenth Day

Welcome Auspiciousness

The thirteenth day is a day of welcoming auspi- ciousness, subhasvikaranam, for the family.The family visits a temple to offer prayers. They re- sume their prayers at home by lighting a lamp.

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Sivam me astu sada gruhe.

May there always be auspiciousness in our home.

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Peace Prayers

Prayers are performed for peace, shanti, of the family members. Navagraha pooja is performed. The family members wear new clothes, go to temple, light a lamp and resume their daily rou- tine. The jiva continues its onward journey to the abode of Yama devata.

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Reproduced with permission:

Hindu Antyeshti Samskar (Practical Guidelines for Final Rites) for North America
Published Date: June 2009
Author: Antyeshti Samskar Committee
Hindu Mandir Executives' Conference, USA